Perspective

What’s the worst that can happen? Really! This weekend I ruined 2 days that should have been spent with my children, and my husband decorated the nursery which should have been exciting right?! Except I was crying into my laptop. What a waste!

So what IS the worst that can happen? As long as I set expectations before I leave and make it clear what I will and won’t have done before I go, then can I really do any more? I am one person and I am not superhuman. I’m not indispensable either. So, the skills don’t exist right now, and I don’t believe that others will have the same vision that I have to complete this project as I see it, but in 3 weeks it isn’t my ‘thing’ anymore is it?  By the time I return to work it will all be different again won’t it! 

I will do my absolute best to do as much as I can to deliver right up to the day I leave. In the next 3 weeks I will lay as strong a foundation for my new team as I can in the time that I have. And then I will leave knowing that the company has had a huge amount out of me in the last 16 years. They’ve had 16 hour days and 7 day weeks. They’ve had the very best of me for a large part of my life. And if they don’t realise that, or appreciate it, then more fool them! I can’t control that. 

I’ve worked solo on this latest venture since September, whilst I jumped through hoops of fire to secure the promised support. Support which comes in the form of 2 people – one of whom started last week and the other who doesn’t start until my last week in work.  During the last 6 months of working alone and meeting everyone’s expectations, I’ve battled both mental and physical illness.  I’ve had counselling, and have had nurses in wonder at how I’ve managed to keep standing with my iron levels as low as they had been. All this, and not a minute of work has been missed. So I think I’ve done bloody well actually! And yes, I am incredibly disappointed not to be able to finish what I started, but it’s one small ‘failure’ after a number of successes.

This is my time to embark on a new journey that doesn’t involve work. I’m going to stop beating myself up over that. It doesn’t mean I am any less passionate, dedicated or committed to the company or my vision. But I’m having a baby in about 6 weeks and that kinda throws all of the stuff about work into the background.  Work, and what I did or didn’t achieve in these last few weeks, is not going to be the most important thing in my life for the next year. My family will be 😊

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