Today I feel like I’m just making a great big mess of everything. I’m exhausted but I can’t sleep, I’m shattered but can’t rest. Taking on a promotion into a role that is making huge demands on me in my final weeks was perhaps not my wisest decision. So much being asked of me, and I’m so passionate about it that I want to give it all.
By the evening, my tummy feels like it’s stretching to the point of bursting, and my back aches so bad! There’s a pain in my right hand side that hurts to touch it like I’m bruised. Perhaps the 5 hours of driving yesterday wasn’t a bright idea. There is a fleeting thought that I could be in labour. Don’t be silly! You’ve got 10 weeks left! But it happens doesn’t it.
And then there’s the movement – my god this baby is one bony little thing! I don’t often get that nice reassuring little kick or wiggle. It’s more like something clawing at my insides. Like someone who has been buried alive scratching to get out! The jabs come so hard at times I wonder if she is actually trying to hurt me!
And of course, all of this discomfort is really helping the mental state! Everyone is annoying me, I have no time for idle prattle, my children vex me to the point of shouting like a fish wife. Oh my, I hope this is just a phase. I’ve hit a lull and after a few days of rest I might start to feel brighter again? I hope so.