My Own Worst Enemy

Sometimes I wonder if life is that hard, or whether life really is just what you make it.  I am beginning to think that I am creating my own miserable destiny by over-thinking and setting such ridiculously high expectations upon every moment.  The counsellor said as much last week; she said that I am spending so much effort being anxious, sad, disappointed, that I am missing out on a perfectly good life.  I’m literally worrying my life away.  While I am analysing every second, my life is actually slipping away from me.  It’s madness really, isn’t it!

Somewhere along the line I learned to gain satisfaction from drama and misery.  It’s like I wasn’t really living unless there was some sadness to remind me of how painful life can be.  Automatic negative thoughts. Where did they come from? When did I learn to expect the worst in every situation? Did I learn it, or is it simply my nature? And more importantly, how do I unlearn it? Perhaps I never will (yeah, yeah, I know, automatic negative thoughts…)

The irony of it is that I am sat here blogging about over-thinking, whilst over-thinking! I am trying to teach myself to go with the flow.  Stop trying to work everything out! Because maybe there isn’t always a reason for why things happen – maybe sometimes things just…happen.  I need to stop looking for reasons, because whether there is a reason I am in this situation or not, I am in it, and no amount of reasoning is going to change that.

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