Sometimes I wonder if life is that hard, or whether life really is just what you make it. I am beginning to think that I am creating my own miserable destiny by over-thinking and setting such ridiculously high expectations upon every moment. The counsellor said as much last week; she said that I am spending so much effort being anxious, sad, disappointed, that I am missing out on a perfectly good life. I’m literally worrying my life away. While I am analysing every second, my life is actually slipping away from me. It’s madness really, isn’t it!
Somewhere along the line I learned to gain satisfaction from drama and misery. It’s like I wasn’t really living unless there was some sadness to remind me of how painful life can be. Automatic negative thoughts. Where did they come from? When did I learn to expect the worst in every situation? Did I learn it, or is it simply my nature? And more importantly, how do I unlearn it? Perhaps I never will (yeah, yeah, I know, automatic negative thoughts…)
The irony of it is that I am sat here blogging about over-thinking, whilst over-thinking! I am trying to teach myself to go with the flow. Stop trying to work everything out! Because maybe there isn’t always a reason for why things happen – maybe sometimes things just…happen. I need to stop looking for reasons, because whether there is a reason I am in this situation or not, I am in it, and no amount of reasoning is going to change that.