Today I read an email from work on my Blackberry. It was from a lady I contacted for some help last week. She was responding to apologise for not replying sooner but that she had been off work for several weeks due to a family bereavement. Her son and his partner lost their baby at 38 weeks. 38 weeks! Can you imagine?
She won’t know that I am pregnant. Puts some of life’s stupid worries into perspective though doesn’t it! I cannot even begin to imagine how it must feel to go so far on this journey for it to end like that.
Whilst it puts some of my dramas into perspective, it has set off the insecurities about this pregnancy. And the over-thinking, over-analysing part of me can’t help but wonder if this is another sign. Just as I start to feel some hope about the new life I have created, found myself able to step inside a baby shop without feeling like the walls were closing in on me, dared to look forward to the next scan; BAM!! Another reminder not to get too excited because it might all be taken away from me yet.
Logic tells me “This isn’t a sign. It is someone else’s sad sad story, don’t make it about you.” But that other voice, the voice that hides in shadows, she says “That’ll teach you for getting ahead of yourself missy. I told you there’s no such thing as happy ever after.”