A few days ago I took the step to make an appointment with my GP because I knew that I had sunk into a place that I would need help getting out of. My midwife had already referred me to IAPT for an assessment and within 2 days of my antenatal appointment I was pouring my heart out to a stranger. I didn’t hold back – and that is important, because when you are suffering with depression you become a great actress and a pretty good liar. I knew that if I really want to get better and start to feel anything about this growing life inside me, I had to be completely honest, no matter how nuts I might sound. I was referred for high intensity Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (first session next week).
I went to see my GP because I was afraid that the CBT wouldn’t be enough. I’m a bright girl, I know that most of what I think and feel right now is irrational but I can’t switch it off. I was beginning to experience anxiety – every little noise would feel like someone tearing at my insides and I wanted to run away. My GP was brilliant, and talked to me in great detail about medication. I have taken anti-depressants at other times in my life (particularly when I suffered with postnatal depression following the birth of my first child), so I know how effective they are. Taking anti-depressants whilst pregnant is not without risks, but I can’t function the way I have been trying to for any longer so I have put my trust in my GP and, with a heavy heart, I began taking them on Wednesday.
Too early to say whether they will help, but I am optimistic. And the relief I felt from actually facing the problem head on and trying to gain some control over this illness, has made a massive difference already.