A Big Decision

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A few days ago I took the step to make an appointment with my GP because I knew that I had sunk into a place that I would need help getting out of.  My midwife had already referred me to IAPT for an assessment and within 2 days of my antenatal appointment I was pouring my heart out to a stranger.  I didn’t hold back – and that is important, because when you are suffering with depression you become a great actress and a pretty good liar.  I knew that if I really want to get better and start to feel anything about this growing life inside me, I had to be completely honest, no matter how nuts I might sound.  I was referred for high intensity Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (first session next week).

I went to see my GP because I was afraid that the CBT wouldn’t be enough.  I’m a bright girl, I know that most of what I think and feel right now is irrational but I can’t switch it off.  I was beginning to experience anxiety – every little noise would feel like someone tearing at my insides and I wanted to run away.  My GP was brilliant, and talked to me in great detail about medication.  I have taken anti-depressants at other times in my life (particularly when I suffered with postnatal depression following the birth of my first child), so I know how effective they are.  Taking anti-depressants whilst pregnant is not without risks, but I can’t function the way I have been trying to for any longer so I have put my trust in my GP and, with a heavy heart, I began taking them on Wednesday.

Too early to say whether they will help, but I am optimistic.  And the relief I felt from actually facing the problem head on and trying to gain some control over this illness, has made a massive difference already.

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