Positive thoughts

I had my 20 week scan today and found out that all my worrying was completely unnecessary! Not only is my baby perfectly healthy, but she is a girl!

After the scan I legged it to the toilets to relieve myself of the ridiculous quantities of water I drank on the way to the hospital. Once I’d locked the door, the tears came. I was relieved and overjoyed. But I was also overwhelmed by a feeling I can’t describe. Not regret, but something close to that. I thought about all the time I’ve wasted obsessing about what could go wrong. And I shook myself off and told myself “You see, you ARE a lucky person!”

My joy was short lived because waiting for me outside the toilets was the lady that carried out the scan asking me to take a seat in the consultants room. To cut a long story short, I have Group B Strep and a low lying placenta. Both fairly common, neither without their risks. A nurse explained everything to me and I left feeling deflated. My bubble had been burst, and it had been such a good one.

Now, I have had time to think it through though. My old friend Ant was there for me as usual this morning (for those of you who haven’t met my friend in previous posts, please let me introduce you to ‘automatic negative thoughts’, my ever present, acutely annoying and destructive ‘friend’). The news marked the end of my joy, another reason to mope my way through the rest of this pregnancy.

It was a link to a website that a friend sent me that put things into perspective. “If you know you carry GBS during pregnancy, it is good to know.” One simple sentence. My friend ‘Ant’ had told me this was yet another sign that something would go wrong. He tried to make me feel stupid for allowing myself to feel joy for even a moment. But actually, the news I got today was lucky. It is good to know. The risks of any negative effects on a baby from GBS are far greater when the mother doesn’t know. Perhaps it was a sign after all. A sign that everything will be ok.

Tonight I will allow myself to dream 💕

2 thoughts on “Positive thoughts

  1. I carried GBS with my second, unknown to me. I gave birth to the most beautiful, bouncing baby boy (with the chunkiest thighs I just wanted to bite!), and was told we could go home within a few hours. I was elated that we could go home to his big brother. Then, a nurse came and delivered the news I would have to stay in hospital for three-four days as I was GBS and there had been no antibiotics. I didn’t understand why, so she gave me a leaflet! A leaflet! I was devastated when I read its contents. I can relate when you say your bubble burst! I didn’t sleep for three days constantly checking his breathing and temperature. Paranoid that he wasn’t feeding properly (as my milk hadn’t come in), I gave him a bottle of formula against all my instincts. He screamed all night that night to the point the midwife took him away so I could rest. I was bereft. I remember getting up and hobbling around the ward looking for him. The trials and tribulations of motherhood!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ah that’s so sad, and I guess I was lucky that they found it and I was prepared. But there was so much scaremongering about it that I was such a worrier in the hospital, constantly reminding the staff that I had it. When I got to the delivery suite, the midwife was so relaxed and blasé about it and reassured me that I should trust her. She put the IV and said we would be fine as long as I had the antibiotics in for 2 hours before baby was born! Baby arrived 2hrs later so it was close! But she was (is) perfect!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s